My name is Charlie,and I’m 13 years old. I am a boy,so please don’t judge. Well,the question I want to ask is sort of embarassing,but also really important. For a while now I’ve had thoughts of suicide. It all started when I was 12. But the reasons for the idea of suicide go way back. I mean I use to be a happy teenager. But once I began to have huge family crisis it all changed. I fought with my brother so much,he even lost his temper and began to hit me. Now my brother doesn’t live with us anymore. He lives with out aunt in San Clemente,CA. But now,I just get so angry all the time. At everyone,including my family. I try my hardest not to get angry with my friends,but I just can’t handle it. Then they make fun of me because I think I have anger managment problems,and they just make it all worse,cause they think getting me angry is hilarious to them. Also I’m starting to scream at my mom and dad now all the time. I mean I love them and all,but I just get really angry at the most dumbest reason. I use to be really good in school,like I would always get A’s and B’s on all my reports. But 8th grade which was my previous grade changed. I got my first F in Algebra. And the stupid teacher never even listened to us! He graded us by how much we participated in class. Not by our homework or tests. Anyways,a few months ago around November 2008 I reached my breaking point. I realized that I hated my life. But I love everyone in it so much. Everytime I get into a fight with my mom or dad,I go into my room and start to cry,and throw things. I even hit myself at times,for how angry I am. My parents just don’t understand me. They think that I’m exaggerating when I tell them about these kinds of things. I even told my mom once that I wanted a new family. But my brother made fun of me,and I got angry again. I’ve thought about running away,but I have no where to go. Probably the park,I don’t know. Also at school I’ve lost a lot of my popularity. Mostly because I get angry so much. Which just makes me really depressed. I cry so many times at night,because I think about how much of a horrible life I have. I think about it,until I cry myself to sleep. I can’t tell anyone at school about this because I just think they’ll make fun of me,same thing with my family. Everyday I take a morning walk across a 20-30 feet tall bridge. And when I look down I think about if I do kill myself. If I would be able to live another and better life. And I’ve tried to make my life better,but somehow that anger and sadness always somehow comes back. And no I am not emo or anything like that. Please,what should I do?! I don’t know how much more I can take of this. Also I start high school in the fall. And I’m thinking to myself that it’s a fresh start. So I can start over,and try even harder for a better life. Also,people these days are just so disgusting,rude,mean,and just plain messed up. And thats another thing that drives me nuts!!And I should just be patient for the goodness to come to me. But I don’t know how if my patience can last. I seriously can’t go through a week without crying or just getting really angry. Please Please Please!!!Help!! I just want it to go away. And I just want to live my life again!! I’ve had sooo many dreams of suicide!! And I just want to kill myself soo bad!! But I think about how many people I would be hurting. Though,I don’t think I’m going to care for much longer! Another thing that I hate is that I see so many commercials on t.v. that say their is a pill or something that can cure your thoughts of suicide and cure you being depressed. But it’s only for adults. What about younger people?!? We have feelings too!! How selfish can they be? But yea,please tell me what I should do. I just can’t stand living on this earth anymore. Please!! I pray to god every night hoping the worlds gonna change!!Hoping to make my life better!! I’m a christian by the way. And I love god. And I know it’s a sin to commit suicide,I think? Please just tell me what to do.
